Mothers Little Helper - click on photo to enlarge

A demo kitchen in the Merchandise Mart either had the most clueless or most naughty designer. This "loaf" of bread sat in the basket for nearly a month eliciting chuckles mainly from me and my co-workers until someone inside got hip to our glee and broke it into little pieces, ruining all our fun!

Gena's Eventful Ride

Enjoy…my morning!





This morning…it was freezing! 21 degrees with the wind chill!



So I walk to the bus and it is stuffed even more than usual, because on top of the normal bodies stuffed into the bus now all their winter coats and scarves are stuffed in with us.



Of course I am to late to actually get a seat on the bus; however, due to my height I am not really at the same level with all the other heads…more like at their armpits. So instead of looking at everyone’s face, I can’t see them because there is a layer of scarves above me, I stare at everyone’s shoes. It is cold out today, like I said, so everyone had on their brand new boots. I was like owww those are cute, I wonder where she got those?



Then my eye follows down the aisle, and I see a pair of pink pumps, with no nylons. No nylons in the winter….that is a little weird?? I follow the legs up to see who exactly is making this fashion faux pas. My eye catches the eyes of the biggest black man ever. I mean I did notice that the feet were abnormally large, but I wear a 6 so everyone’s feet are large compared to mine. He looked straight at me and said, “Bitch you have a problem?” No problem sir, just admiring your shoes…great color!


Just another CTA story!

The world according to Marvin Gaye

Inner City Blues, Make Me Wanna Holler
Marvin Gaye


Rockets, Moon shots
spend it on the have nots
Money, we make it
fore we see it, you take it
OH make you wanna holler
they way they do my life
make me wanna holler
the way they do my life
this ain't livin, this ain't livin
no no baby, this ain't livin
no no no
inflation, no chance
to increase finance
bills pile up sky high
send that boy off to die
make me wanna holler
the way they do my life
make me wanna holler
the way they do my life
hang ups, let downs
bad breaks, set backs
natural fact is
i can't pay my taxes
oh, make me wanna holler
and throw up both my hands
yea, makes me wanna holler
and throw up both my hands
crime is increasing
trigger happy policing
panic is spreading
God knows where were heading
Oh make me wanner holler
they don't understand

Mother Mother
they don't understand us
who are they to judge us
Simply cause we wear our hair long


* The more things change in our universe, the more things stay the same. This song was written close to forty years ago.

Online Dating

So i finally succumbed to the online dating frenzy begun by one and now (not!) enjoyed by many of us.

We have discovered that if you are under 40, thin and relatively pretty this will be an awesome idea. Everyone else should probably fuck off back under the rock from which we came.

I have a few observations:

1. If you are 50
a. should you really request 25-39 yr olds
b. who are sexy, slender and athletic
c. when YOU look as old and beat down as Ernest Borgnine with a head cold?

2. Do you really need to include "I enjoy making love often" in your profile?
a. Unless you are a eunuch, i think the assumption will be made.
b. It makes you look REALLY creepy

3. If your photo shows you holding a drink, smoking a cigar and standing with Las Vegas in the background, i believe you may be telling the world that you are a colossal douchebag. You earn extra points if two siliconed Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian Wannabes are in the photo!



Happy dating, everyone! It's a jungle out there.

Update: Now i fully realize this is a feminine point of view. Gents- if you have a comment to make, speak now or forever hold your piece..er peace.

Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn

That is right. Elder Porn. If hot young buff bodies aren't your kink, how about granny and papa going at it like two rutting mules? An article in Time.com features 74 year old Shigeo Tokuda who has starred in over 350 movies over the last 14 years. "Tokuda's exploits have proved to be a goldmine for Glory Quest, which first launched an "old-man" series, Maniac Training of Lolitas, in December 2004. Its popularity led the company to follow up with Tokuda starring in Forbidden Elderly Care in August 2006. Other series followed, and soon elder porn had revealed itself as a sustainable new revenue stream for the industry.

I imagine domestic cinematic gems such as...
Betty does Boca
Grandpa gets gummed
Granny Grunts...and how!
Driving Miss Daisy...CRAZY

Actually i think sexuality in elder years is a good thing. If you can still saddle up, why not go for a ride? KY and Viagra were invented for a reason.

I would prefer however for there to be a very heavy door, thick drapes and soundproof walls between me and the action.

When i was a much younger person, perhaps about 10 or 11, the boys in our neighborhood would get discarded porn from the factory workers in the many local shops.

Most of our sex ed came from photos in some very *ahem* interesting publications.
The most eye-popping came when God knows who came along with a magazine featuring a very white haired old lady BLOWING an old grandpa.

That was the day i decided to walk the other way whenever the guys came by with their latest finds. It's been 30 years and i can still see that (1930's porno retiree) woman giving a humdinger to an old coot.

This article just brings that image right back to the front of my mind.

Yellow Listed: i spy e.coli

I work downtown, medium sized company and we have a problem. There is serious Non-compliance in the hand washing department.

It has become a stealth mission to flush out these offenders and ID the dames who whiz and walk without any hesitation for hygiene. We aren't out to shame anyone but amongst us we keep each other informed and warned. This isn't an "outing or shaming" of a person. We want to know which foods to avoid at potlucks, whose hands not to hi-5 and which documents we should leave lay.

I know it's silly to skulk around like a rat listening for water splashing, and i am aware that studying the shoes of the person next to you so you can find them more easily may be a bit much..but if you're not a pee hand-washer, are you also not a poo hand-washer? I have no desire to experience E.coli so insane snooper i shall remain.

Finally, to the woman at Nordstroms who left a bloody, used tampon on the floor OUTSIDE the stall, next to the sinks...REALLY?

Did you fart so hard that it shot out onto the floor, slid to the sinks and there it should remain? Seriously, you couldn't grab some towels and pick it up?

A long-term love affair.

I was about 12 when i first saw Star Wars. That was the day i fell in love. His name was Han Solo and he was a ne'er-do-well from outer space. I loved the way he mocked the old man and the kid, threatened the 'droids and cast sneaky, curious & lusting looks at the young princess. His sex appeal was palpable. Men wanted to be him, women wanted to tame him.

Although Han was tough when he needed to be and tender when he needed to be - he really was quite often an asshole and i wanted him like a junkie needs a fix.

The dangerous past, sarcastic wit, and smoldering sex appeal sent my imagination soaring. I didn't know anything but the biological fact but i was developing quite a keen idea of how things may occur. My man was a space cowboy and i wanted him to show me the Pompatus of love.

1978: Feathered hair and spandex pants were not for me.

I wanted to touch his manly Chest Hair and get a peek at what he was hiding down those form fitting trousers. This was my adolescent fantasy. Han Solo in 1978, again in 1980 and then once more in 1983.

I have to admit, 30 years and a lot of grey hairs later i still want to touch that chest hair and sneak that peek. Only difference is i've been married and divorced and Han is now a 66 year old actor with grandkids. I do not care. He's my Cary Grant. There was a man who aged wonderfully and still had sex appeal in his twilight years.

Han can be 98 with no hair, one crooked Kukla tooth angled sideways, and a giant dead wookiee stuffed and mounted in the corner. He'll always be my first love, my first fantasy and my enduring ideal of what a man should be. Ok - Perhaps with a little less assholery. That shit gets old no matter how hot you are.