The scene:
Two seats, side by side and littered with newspaper, garbage on the floor, and graffiti across the top.
Mildred: (nudging Tracy) Hey wake up, we’re about to leave Howard.
Tracy: (yawning) I’m up, I’m up.
Mildred: So as I was saying yesterday, this guy gets on the train, puts his nasty feet up on me and starts yapping on his cell. I have NEVER heard such nasty talk. Before I started this job I didn’t know what a booty call was. I was so innocent then.
Tracy: I know, this one time a woman talked all about some guy she picked up the night before. Everyone on the train got an earful that night. I didn’t realize you could put so many things in so many different places.
Oh Geez, here comes stankyjoe.
Mildred: please don’t sit here, please do not sit here.
DAMN!
Leaning back as if someone is sitting on her lap.
Mildred: Why doesn’t this person take a bath? I mean really, is water that expensive? He can’t jump in the lake and take a rinse? Every fiber of my being is turning black from his stink.
And tell me why. WHY does he always have to sit in this seat, in the SUN!
Tracy: I think I can see a cloud of funk forming over us.
Mildred: I am going to smell like his cheesy funky ass all day now.
Tracy: At least he didn’t……..(bwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaap…a fart.)
Mildred: Ewwwwww….you jinxed it!
Tracy: Oops
Mildred: more like poops.
Tracy: When I was a little baby seat, you know what I dreamt of being
Mildred: do tell.
Tracy: I always wanted to be a massage chair. Those guys have it good. You work hard all day, but if someone bothers you, you can throw an extra punch into their kidney or vault them into the floor and at the end of the session you get turned off and it’s nap time. Yeah, that is the life I was meant to lead. Not this, gum in my lap, garbage at my feet and graffiti on my legs crap.
What about you? What was Mildred’s great goal in life.
Mildred: Ok, first, you need to relax more.
Promise you won’t laugh.
Tracy: I swear on that wino’s life…
Mildred: I always wanted to be a chair on a space shuttle. Flying out into the universe, seeing the stars, the planets, zero gravity, I know you have to be high tech but damnit, I want to see the moon!
Tracy: a chair can dream.
Mildred: Yes, thank you. We sure can.
Tracy: You know, we could be recycled some day.
Mildred: From the scrap yard to space station?
Tracy: From the junk heap to the Spa!
Mildred: In the meantime…
Tracy: Yes, in the meantime…
Mildred: (sighs) Here come the Lakeview kids.
Tracy: Hey! Let us see if we can make that little chubby one fall in the floor at the Sheridan turn…
Mildred: That was funny as hell last time!
Tracy: yeah, write across the top of my head will ya….
Two seats, side by side and littered with newspaper, garbage on the floor, and graffiti across the top.
Mildred: (nudging Tracy) Hey wake up, we’re about to leave Howard.
Tracy: (yawning) I’m up, I’m up.
Mildred: So as I was saying yesterday, this guy gets on the train, puts his nasty feet up on me and starts yapping on his cell. I have NEVER heard such nasty talk. Before I started this job I didn’t know what a booty call was. I was so innocent then.
Tracy: I know, this one time a woman talked all about some guy she picked up the night before. Everyone on the train got an earful that night. I didn’t realize you could put so many things in so many different places.
Oh Geez, here comes stankyjoe.
Mildred: please don’t sit here, please do not sit here.
DAMN!
Leaning back as if someone is sitting on her lap.
Mildred: Why doesn’t this person take a bath? I mean really, is water that expensive? He can’t jump in the lake and take a rinse? Every fiber of my being is turning black from his stink.
And tell me why. WHY does he always have to sit in this seat, in the SUN!
Tracy: I think I can see a cloud of funk forming over us.
Mildred: I am going to smell like his cheesy funky ass all day now.
Tracy: At least he didn’t……..(bwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaap…a fart.)
Mildred: Ewwwwww….you jinxed it!
Tracy: Oops
Mildred: more like poops.
Tracy: you know, I am getting a little tired of being ridden all day. Everyday it is the same stuff. A big ass coming down hard keeping us from doing what we want. I feel stifled.
Mildred: yeah, we work hard to make sure everyone else gets to where they need to be but what about us - The working stiffs?…we get to sit here and watch everyone else come and go. I’m tired of this dead end job. Tracy: When I was a little baby seat, you know what I dreamt of being
Mildred: do tell.
Tracy: I always wanted to be a massage chair. Those guys have it good. You work hard all day, but if someone bothers you, you can throw an extra punch into their kidney or vault them into the floor and at the end of the session you get turned off and it’s nap time. Yeah, that is the life I was meant to lead. Not this, gum in my lap, garbage at my feet and graffiti on my legs crap.
What about you? What was Mildred’s great goal in life.
Mildred: Ok, first, you need to relax more.
Promise you won’t laugh.
Tracy: I swear on that wino’s life…
Mildred: I always wanted to be a chair on a space shuttle. Flying out into the universe, seeing the stars, the planets, zero gravity, I know you have to be high tech but damnit, I want to see the moon!
Tracy: a chair can dream.
Mildred: Yes, thank you. We sure can.
Tracy: You know, we could be recycled some day.
Mildred: From the scrap yard to space station?
Tracy: From the junk heap to the Spa!
Mildred: In the meantime…
Tracy: Yes, in the meantime…
Mildred: (sighs) Here come the Lakeview kids.
Tracy: Hey! Let us see if we can make that little chubby one fall in the floor at the Sheridan turn…
Mildred: That was funny as hell last time!
Tracy: yeah, write across the top of my head will ya….
