Troglo-Date

troglodyte -

trog⋅lo⋅dyte/ˈtrɒgləˌdaɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [trog-luh-dahyt] Show IPA
–noun

1. a prehistoric cave dweller.
2. a person of degraded, primitive, or brutal character.
3. a person living in seclusion.
4. a person unacquainted with affairs of the world.
5. an animal living underground.

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This past Sunday morning i leashed up the dogs and took them for a nice walk around the neighborhood. We took a different route and as one would hope, we met a friendly neighbor!
This older (60ish?) gent reached down to give Lucy a pat on the head. we made small chat and were on our way. I looked up to see the man making his way down the block towards us causing a small wave of apprehension...this isn't going to turn out well.

I said "uh oh doggies, he's coming to get you" and he replies "yes, i am" at which he bent down to give them the butt-rub of their lives. I mean these dogs twitched and spasmd and looked ecstatic. I've never seen them so .... orgasmic!

Impressed i say Wow, you really gave them a good butt rub. (stupid! I open the door and what happens next?)

His response:
"Wouldn't you enjoy a good butt-rub?" And there it is. Tracy's perv encounter for June.

I guess i didn't look horrified enough because he then says "i hope this isn't too much information" - which of course is going to be WAY too much information- but he goes on "my girlfriend has.. whaddaya call... a tilted cervix and she could never orgasm, told me she always had to fake it."

Really? I mean, this i had to know? And on he goes, "Well, Until she met me she was never satisfied but i found the spot and let me tell ya, WhoopEEEE!!! 7 years later, we're still together."

You know, for a split second i was almost tempted to ask "Interesting, do tell, where exactly IS this magic spot" but common sense dictates that you RUN AWAY not TOWARDS so i awkwardly said my
"ummmmm. uh..... ok. Well, i have to go this way now, nice talking to you...BYE!" and I practically dragged those poor dogs down the alley before any more sex tips headed my way.