So the previous blog is stories of dates gone bad. Some of us don't even get to the dates. Some of us get the freak flag at full mast right out of the gate.
Take for example the night Sylvia and I went to a bar downtown (Spikes Rat Bar) and i met a guy named Stu.
Stu was an older gent from the East Coast and he was nice enough, bought us drinks, and was a generally entertaining kind of guy. As the evening wore on, he asked for my number and me being drunk i happily gave it. I should mention that he got my number because he was going to take me out for a wonderful night on the town of dinner, clubbing, etc.
BAD BAD idea. Stu's freak flag was seriously flying that night i just didn't know it yet. He must have called my house 5 times before i even got home. Each message contained "suggestions" for his ideal evening with me.
You wanna hear what the ETCETERA was???
I want you to sit on my face and let me sniff your bunghole
I want you to smack my balls
I want you to shove.. WHOA Whoa whoa...ERASE now!
So while i'm listening to these messages, guess who calls. Yep it's probably 4 a.m. and he calls AGAIN. This time i'm there to take the call and tell him "i'm not really thinking this is a good idea." thanks anyway and good luck with....all that.
Oh, and i told him my name was Wilma so all my messages began with Wilma, you know what i want you to do?....
blech.
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Spikes Rat Bar again.
It's the Air and Water show in Chicago and never has there been a better time for two young single dames to go trolling for military types. This place would be crawling with Navy types. Think the Bar from Top Gun only slightly less HAWT!!
So i'm flirting with a "pilot" (that is what he told me, he was wearing what appeared to be some kind of flightsuit, and that is what i chose to believe.) and Sylvia was flirting with i don't even know who. But lurking in the background was an OLD MAN, waiting for Sylvia to look like she is without attention. At closing time we all march down the alley to an after hours bar to continue the fun and that's when Oldie Oldson attacks. I'm still talking to my pilot who is increasingly turning into an unpleasant and belligerent drunk while Sylvia is trying to give Gramps the brush off. Suddenly everyone in the bar hears "OH MY GOD" at top volume and i spin around to see whats going on.
Sylvia looks utterly horrified and she says "Do you want to hear what this guy just said to me???" He now is embarrassed and is trying to get me and my guy to shove off. "I didn't say anything, don't worry about, she's ok." Oh hell no. Sylvia is going to tell me what this man said.
He had the nerve to look her in the face and say "i want to eat you until your skull caves in" and then he licked his lips like he was trying to get chicken gravy from around his mouth.
Even the angry drunk pilot was like, ewh..seriously?
We got the hell out of there shortly thereafter.
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So Sylvia and I are sitting at our fave place in the burbs (for a change of venue.) and a guy sitting next to me, clad in Buffalo Bills gear starts chatting us up. He seems nice enough, harmless older guy having a beer. Maybe somewhere in his 60s. We start singing Hey Buffalo Bill, who did ya kill, Buffalo Bill...we were drunk, what do you want. Anyway, Buffalo Bill is being a relatively harmless dude when suddenly he leans over to me and says "when is the last time you had sex. It's been years for me."
WhAAAAAAAAT?????? He goes on, "i just got me some viagra, wanna come home with me?"
He then grins this big shit eating grin and exposes teeth yellow from tobacco and dotted with flecks from his chewed up cigar. Oh hell yeah! Who wouldn't want to hit that?
Thats when we decided to move to the other side of the bar.
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