Anyway, without further ado, here is the cream of the crop:
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From LD.
I went out on a date with someone that told me he worked in the Mayor’s office. Most likely the janitor in the Mayor’s office.
When we talked on the phone everything clicked, everything was great. Online this guy’s picture was far away, blurry and about the size of a postage stamp. But since I decided that I don’t like to be judged by my outer shell, I thought I would give this guy a chance. Anyway, he was working that night until 11:00pm so I was hanging out in the city with one of my friends eagerly awaiting his call. He finally did call and sounded angry that I was occupying my time at a bar with a friend rather than sitting at home all alone. He pulled up to the bar outside and told me he was waiting and to come out immediately. I told him I was settling up the bill. He sounded impatient and annoyed. I was rather annoyed and thought this guy better be worth it when I meet him face to face.
So I run out to his truck and I quickly pull open the door, jump inside and his head turned towards me slowly. His thick neck was practically hidden by his large head and when he spoke, his thick lips reminded me of a carp searching for food. Before I could recoil in terror, he said, “You don’t have to go out with me if you don’t want.” After a momentary pang of pity, I took action. Never before have I taken an out like this, but I ran with it. I made up some quick story on the spot of how my friend was inside waiting for her online date but that she had been stood up. I told him I’d call him later. Wonder if he’s still waiting…..
From G.
College junior year…I had just taken a break from the college sweetheart and decided to keep my options open and date around a little. The first guy I met was through my art class….that right there should have been a warning. Art guys are always weird. So it was a 3-D design class, project number two…create something that helps illustrate a side of you through only objects found in your home. We had been hanging out for only about three weeks, so I did think it was weird when he put a picture of me on this cross made out of vacuum hoses and kitchen utensils. I however, consider myself open minded and went with the flow. The day before the project was due I went over to his house and we worked on our projects together till the middle of the night. After falling asleep, I woke up with him standing over me…I was like is everything okay he was like yeah just about to finish the project go back to sleep…so I did. The next morning I left and told him I would see him in class that afternoon. So, I get to class and everyone presents there projects and has to explain what they used and why. It is his turn to go he takes out his cross and of course I see my picture on it…with something surrounding it…What is it you ask???? MY HAIR! He had cut pieces my hair in the middle of the night and glued it to the heart surrounding my photo! CREEPY!!!! I was in shock and my art professor was like good use of material…Material…it is my HAIR!!! I was so creeped out that I cut it off with him right after class. He told me I was not seeing the big picture that it was art. The next morning I woke up to the hair cross on my front porch….with a poem asking if he could wash himself with my hair. Needless to say I dropped that art class…when the professor asked why..I told her that I was scared what other parts of me would show up in art projects if I stayed in the class. She laughed and signed the drop slip!
From S.
OMG I have one – I don’t know if it’s funny but I am still pissed off about it.
During my junior year of college, I tried the online dating thing, Yahoo Personals to be exact. BTW, I have not dared to recommend Yahoo Personals to anyone. Well, I setup my profile on the site and I immediately got responses. I was like YES no more boring weekends with my roommates (I swear these chicks were from HELL). Initially all of the WRONG guys responded to my profile. I do not understand how men just simply DO NOT read. My profile clearly state obvious things like (If you are over 25 do not contact me because I was only 20 at the time but I got responses from 40 year old perverts who knew that I was still a 20 year old baby. ) I also had if you have kids or if you are not employed, do not contact me. I found out that men lie just because – no reason just because. The fact that your children do not live with you does not mean that you do not have any and just because you have a source of income does not mean that you are EMPLOYED (there are some real idiots out there). Anyways, I was ready to give up on the online thing about 2 weeks after I kept getting nothing but losers. So a few days before I decided I was going to shut down my profile I got a response from a guy that sounded Perfect! Let me tell you he seemed perfect if you were a female that did not look beyond the obvious. Unfortunately, for him I am the female that looks in all the nooks and crannies.
His name was Christopher W***s and he was FINE. He was 24 and a High School gymnastics teacher. He has recently graduated from Tuskegee with an education degree. OK so this idiot had a job and no kids. However, having 2 kids on the way means that your ass has kids. His excuse was that he was not sure that the kids were his so he was waiting to have paternity tests. Oh, let me tell you how I found out that this fool had two babies on the way. He came to my dorm to pick me up for a date and we went to my side of town for dinner. Come to find out you never know who knows you. I saw a couple of my friends and introduced him and I knew something was up when one of my girls asked me to go to the bathroom with her. I was on a date and she wanted me to go to the bathroom – red flag. She told me how this IDIOT was from her old neighborhood and he was a DOG. I could not believe it but I am no fool either. So I played it cool and we had dinner (I was hungry and I need a ride back to my dorm). When the night ended, he dropped me back at my dorm and we were sitting around talking. I asked him how he felt about kids and he said he was cool about having kids but not now. I asked him again (DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS) and he said NO. SO I said DO YOU PLAN TO HAVE ANY KIDS IN LIKE the NEXT 6-9 MONTHS – the idiot still said no. So I just asked him about the 2 kids that were potentially his and he then said those are not my kids – YET. You mean to tell me you have a college education, you are a teacher for that fact of the matter, and you are SOOOOO stupid. I had him explain himself and he said that he cheated on those two women so he was sure that they could have cheated on him too, so he was not admitting to being a father. He had no proof that they cheated he just assumed they did because he did – talk about DUMB. Anyways, I told him thanks for dinner but I did not want to see him anymore. He told me how great we were together and he did not want to lose me. First, I do not have time to be a stand-in mommy to two kids. Second, you are a loser. Do you know this dummy broke down and started crying in my dorm room? I told him he had to leave and he called his MOTHER on me – his mother! I talked to her and told the woman to come and get her son. This boy – oops man sat outside my dorm room door for about 15 minutes crying until I called security and they escorted him out. DISASTER – now I hear that he is gay – seriously, he is gay now. Thank GOD, I got rid of that one.
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